No, I wasn't scheduled for Monday.
So why had I walked with my hood pulled low,
still stiff with sleep in the predawn black?

I wondered as I left
the permanent fluorescent day
and found myself in the sooty gut of a parking garage,

so I went up.
And began to cross the
concrete badlands, top floor.

At the edge, I waited.
I stood still, hood pulled back,
watching.

The sky was big -
everything earthbound seemed the minority,
even the mountains being bathed
in their first shadowed texture.

I wasn't really still, though;
even when the glow in the clouds began to blush,
I was impatient, caught up
in twilight dreams, and the stories behind headlights below.

When the sun bloomed inside the blush,
it caught me shifting my feet, fidgeting, but
my breath was not stilled.
I bowed my eyes to the glare,
but it was no different than what had come before.

I waited.
But when the blush cooled to blue
and the cloud's glow to gray,
it was another sky.

-Well, I think it needs revision; of what kind, i'm not sure. I think it needs to be smoother, and I'm not sure I've figured out exactly where I'm going with it. The trouble is, I got zero help from class, because reading the bloody thing seemed to nix any criticisms people had (they suggested I just send a cassette with any copy); I think that's just because I and the other guy who read it managed to smooth over the awkward parts with our intonation, but I don't know. So, any thoughts? And I need a title, we couldn't come up with anything good in class, either.