This may turn out melodramatic. I don't care, really.
      Lately, I have been pretending most everything's all right when it really hasn't been. I've been exhausted most of the time, sick the rest of the time, and spread way too thin all of the time. As a consequence, I became more and more sullen, depressed, and apathetic, and probably worst of all, passive-aggressive, running from work to physical work to too little sleep; I'm not sure that the scale will say I've been losing weight, but shirts I recently filled out are hanging off me. I've had a few feeble, abortive attempts at rectifying all of that, but nothing of any consequence. I've had my happy moments lately, when I wasn't being so serious or was distracted, I don't know. But I need to face up to the truth of things. In one night, the one thing I had been founding everything I wanted and dreamed and hoped for.......I'm not even sure what, at this point. But it's a pain so shining fierce I think it has woken me up to the point where I'm going to change my life in major ways; I might be really messed up at the moment, but at least I feel more awake, I guess. Like my dad always said,
      Welcome to the real world.
It's time for me to grow up.