Another rambling upon how choosing one's words can be important, by me. Tadaa!

So, in a way I'll not and probably couldn't explain effectively, something was done last week that left me feeling quite angry, a little confused, and basically, very violated if nothing else. Tangentially, the funny part about it is that the person who did it not only probably didn't even realize the choice being made might do that (not that there was any expectation at all of caring), and even if they did in some way, I'm going to guess that it would be completely incomprehensible to them as to why. But, nothing to be done, there's no reason for me to call 'grievance!' and I'm really just trying to let it go, barring my initial reaction. Anyway, so I initially found out about the thing in question...I guess a couple days after the fact.

The person (Person A) that told me about it was a little apologetic...but only in that she had 'bad news' to tell me, as it were. I do appreciate her honesty in that regard, because...well, I very much appreciate frank honesty (had to get a pun in). But it was the way she went about telling me about it - it's hard to describe without details, but basically, praise was sung, rationalizations and explanations were made, and a general air of 'perfectly-normal-event' was described. And ironically, though the way those things were said was pretty much completely positive, those positive statements were describing an act of violation - and left me feeling like complete shit...very perplexed, complete shit, because I was torn between me being hurt/stabbed in the back, and hearing it described as a nice, pleasant thing. I've really no idea, but I'm going to guess that was out of obliviousness for how her words might affect me more than any conscious intent on her part, in that she really was just giving her honest thoughts about the situation.

Person B, a couple days later, responded to my evasive, one sentence description of the thing in question in a completely different way. She also gave me her honest opinion of it, but finally nailed the lid on the coffin of my second-guessing of myself by her evaluation of it being what it was (a very wrong thing to do) with a spot of logic to dispel my dubious look. Even better, though, and more importantly than anything else she said, she shifted my perspective back 'out' from the situation enough that it didn't matter that she was also angered and went on to point out the presence of the several friends of ours nearby who would agree with her - with her first sentence she made me think something like, 'wait - step back from it a little,' and that was a sweet relief from the weight of that abuse upon my shoulders. Her insightfulness in her choice of words was infinitely more pleasant to hear than the Person A's honesty, because while both were completely honest remarks upon the same thing, Person B's remarks were said with care for me/my feelings in mind.

The end.