One of those ideas that came up in cross-country conversation, borne from real-life examples, (admittedly painful) examination of my own past behavior, and from texts I've been poring over lately. So, we acknowledge that idea that it might be part of human nature (or any animal's nature, really) to never do anything entirely for someone else - like, there's always some ulterior motive, however slight or subtle. So, if you have an urge to...help the homeless, or change a lover, there's probably anything from wanting to feel validated somehow to doing it to feel superior (etc) involved in the impulse.

The trick probably is, that's not necessarily a bad thing, just something to realize and remember - to be aware of really. One might aspire to truly selfless service, and gain whatever benefits that aspiration might confer. But a perhaps more directed point we ended up at in the conversation was that it's interesting that service of whatever kind to others can actually turn out to be more selfish than simply directing attention towards improving/changing/healing oneself. The irony is in the natural thought that is if one were to focus on one's self, that's 'selfish,' when it might actually be the one thing that can be done without using someone else for gratification. [not talking about focusing on the self at the expense of others, mind, but hypothetically healthy introspection of whatever kind]